jokes with confusing or nonexistent punch lines
by Eric Spitznagel and Brandon Kruse
FUNKY MONKEYS
Two monkeys are having sex in a car. One turns to the other and says, “Hey, I didn’t know you were gay.” The other one replies, “Hey, I didn’t know I could drive a car.” Then a man walks by and says, “Shut the hell up, you fucking queer talking apes!”
GOOD NEWS, BAD NEWS
“I’ve got some good news and some bad news,” the doctor says. “What’s the bad news?” asks the patient. “The bad news is that you’ve got only three months to live.” The patient is understandably upset and says, “What’s the good news, doc?” The doctor looks at him and says, “I just fucked your wife.”
CASUAL DAY
Two employees are hanging out in their office break room. One of them takes off his pants and says, “Hey, it’s casual day!” The other one picks up the pants and walks out, saying “Yeah, good luck with that.”
DIRTY LIMERICK
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose cock was so long he could suck it,
While licking his chin,
He said with a grin,
“I haven’t had a meaningful relationship in seventeen years.”
HILLBILLIES AND THE WOMEN WHO LOVE THEM
Three hillbillies were sitting on the porch. The first hillbilly said, “My wife is so dumb, yesterday she bought a brand new stove, and we ain’t even got electricity!” The second hillbilly said, “My wife is stupider than yers. Yesterday she brings home a new washin’ machine, and we ain’t even got runnin water!” The third hillbilly said, “My wife is even stupider!” They all agreed, having recently met the third hillbilly’s wife.
THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD
A guy is driving out in the middle of nowhere, very lost. Finally he spots two houses, so he goes up to the first house and sees an old lady yanking on her boobs and an old man jerking off. He is so freaked out that he goes to the next house and says, “What’s up with your neighbors?” And the owner of the house says, “Oh, that’s the Robinson’s. They’re both deaf.”
NO MORE GREASE STAINS FOR STAN
This really, really ugly guy asks a girl out on a date. I mean ugly. He should go into boxing to improve his looks. His friends call him “Ugh.” Anyway, he asks this girl out on a date, and she says, “Yes.” Go figure.
FREE MUSTACHE RIDES
These two giraffes are fucking a gorilla outside of a bar that a priest walks into. The priest goes up to the bartender and says, “Sir, do you know that you have crazy animals committing sin outside?” And the bartender says, “Is my mother out there again?” The priest looks confused and says, “No.” Then the bartender says, “Oh.” Then they stand in silence for a long, long time. Then the priest says, “Oh, what the hell, give me a damn Schlitz.”
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