archives submissions blog (dis)likes


Justified; Timothy Olyphant; Kentucky; when a bottle of Pappy Van Winkle makes an appearance on Justified; the new HBO show LUCK; Walter Kirn's Thumbsucker; a really good cup of tea (yeah, that's right. what!); Mos Def/Yasiin Bey; Patton Oswalt in Young Adult (he should have been nominated!); working (not working working but, you know, writing/working on Hobart/etc.) at the library

the near impossibility of actually finding a bottle of Pappy Van Winkle; the fact that we haven't actually yet seen LUCK yet (then, you may ask, why is it a "like"? whatever); what we remember of the movie Thumbsucker (which actually isn't much, and we might be wrong here); the Golden Globes this year (boring!); Mildred Pierce (maybe not techiically a "dislike" but damn that mess was depressing, and, sure, some of the acting was great (Winslet and Guy Pearce) but some seemed over-the-top (Melissa Leo!) and did it really deserve that much praise?)

going gorillas; Marilyn Monroe’s body; following Daniel Tosh’s Twitter like it’s a religion; Applebee’s; when Rick Ross wears his shirt unbuttoned like he thinks he’s on the Top 100 Bodies list; having an alter ego of a notorious hustler; gingers.

when English teachers don’t know the difference between “do” and “due;” Michelle Williams’ fake body (padding); people who update their Twitter like it’s a diary; not having Applebee’s catering life; when Justin Bieber wears his hair like he thinks he’s on the Top 100 Lesbians list; that awkward moment when you realize you spend Friday nights reading while everyone else spends them “getting shit-faced.”

racquetball; Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas; midnight showings of Rocky Horror Picture Show; remembering to take a flask to said midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show; teenagers' obsession with and extreme fear of the illuminati; teenagers' extreme fear of being videotaped while talking about the illuminati; Eminem on the cover of GQ wearing what looks like an illuminati necklace (wtf?! How are we now noticing things like this? Like all the illuminati symbols in Paranormal Activity 3! Could the teenagers be right after all? Why has there never been an episode of The Boondocks making fun of the illuminati?); haunted Shawshank prison tours; archived Paris Review interviews; Dick Cavett; Robert Mitchum, Bette Davis, Orson Welles, Hitchcock and Brando on Dick Cavett; planning a Lil Bitch Summer 2012 tour in November; idea for next SF/LD book: All Known Illuminati Members: A Novel (in the style of McSweeney's All Known Metal Bands.

keeping score in racquetball after deluding yourself into believing you and your opponent are “even steven”; The Rum Diary; forgetting to sneak a flask into The Rum Diary; the fact that there has never been an episode of The Boondocks making fun of the illuminati (could Aaron McGruder be in the illuminati?!?); waiting in line for four hours to get into haunted prison when it’s forty degrees tops and you’re wearing rubber shoes and don’t have a flask; Hemingway’s Paris Review interview (why didn’t he just say he was busy?); an 80-something Groucho Marx on Dick Cavett with his 20-something “secretary” (Hobart editors were divided on this entry’s position on the dislikes; some of us thought Groucho was an O.G., pre-Hugh Hefner Hugh Hefner and deserved to be on the likes!); having to wait til summer to stick six chicks in a van and go on tour; not being in the illuminati (seriously, how do we get “in”?).

baseball 2011 (did you catch the final day of the season on Wednesday?? Holy wow); Tigers are going to the playoffs!; Verlander; Fister (both because he's a badass, and his name is jr. high school humor funny); Drive (haven't even seen it yet (going tonight) but feel pretty confident putting it on this half of the likes regardless (please note our willingness to move it later though; this is online, where we can change things whenever we want!); telling people we got married at a bourbon distillery in KY, which is pretty unanimously regarded as badass; getting coupons for free hotel stays in Vegas because of using player cards last time; Chris Farley's "in a trailer, down by the river" sketch; actually, pretty much just Chris Farley in general

all this rain; drivers that get in the left/fast lane and go the speed limit (or slower! or, like, ONE mile over the speed limit) with no regard to the people behind them, wanting to pass, not wanting to have to do so on the right (arg!)(and, yes, we've probably included this on the dislikes once or thrice before, but it is very possibly number one current pet peeve; actually, thinking of pet peeves and their ranking, and driivers not being aware/considerate, go ahead and put general "lack of awareness/consideration" on dislikes); Glamorama (I know, I know. Everyone (well, "everyone" being Ellis lovers, a camp we were kinda trying to join, what with recently loving American Psycho, and being about halfway through the audio book (with James van der Beek! (sp?)) and loving it, too) seems to love it. I couldn't get through it. Maybe its me)

being sister-wives with Amelia Gray, a bottle of bourbon and a pulled-pork sandwich; the addition of Zach Dodson (in shorts and a ‘stache) to any dance floor; reading/discussing American Psycho on your honeymoon; the addition of Jac Jemc’s boyfriend to any dance floor; eavesdropping on the people next to you at the Chateau Marmont, on your honeymoon, and then googling whatever information you can cobble together to find out that it was Sean Avery, talking about his arrest the night before, during which he had apparently called some cops "fat little pigs" (googling also revealed that his tattoo, that at the pool seemed kinda cheesy and lame, was actually a Radiohead lyric, which then kinda moved it to the "like" side of our tastes); watching tennis on (who knew?); Christian Bale; Bret Easton Ellis; Short Bus by Filter; karaoke; Ryan Gosling; all the Gosling/Steve Carrell scenes in Crazy, Stupid, Love; karaoke; singing Weezer's "Say It Ain't So" at karaok and having random Frankfort, KY karaoke regulars join you on stage; rocking out to Silverchair at karaoke

American Psycho, the movie (where’s the kid he stabs at the Central Park Zoo? The Patty Winters Show? His moment with Bono? The model he lets go with the warning, “I think something bad is going to happen”? the older gay guy walking his dog? The “summer” in East Hampton with Evelyn? the Habitrail? The rat?!!); people that don't courtesy wave when you let them into traffic; people that get in the lefthand lane and just chill there, not understanding that the left/fast lane is for passing only and thus making you have to pass on the right, all the while also making you go INSANE; the fact that Grantland, at this time, "does not accept unsolicited pitches or manuscripts"; trying to go downtown, in our small college town, now that summer is over and the students are back en masse; realizing you know so, so much less about the current state of web design and HTML and wordpress, etc., than you'd hoped/wanted to admit; just about all non-Gosling/Carrell scenes in Crazy, Stupid, Love

being so excited about the August update as to pull over at a Starbucks somewhere in southern Ohio, on the drive to Kentucky, to finish updating and making the site live (note: more likely than not, see: more (dis)likes tonight, post-destination arrival)

not much at the moment, actually; of course, check back later and we'll find some stuff to bitch about

pineapple juice; the new Woody Allen movie; receiving a surprise subscription of The Economist in the mail addressed to "Giggle Panther"; Amazon Cloud; Chopped All Stars (and, really, Chopped in general; and most especially if they ever make a hybrid of Chopped and Maury Povich wherein the judges are all potential fathers and you find out both the Chopped winner AND the outcome of the paternity test at the end of the show. Please. Anyone?); public transportation; vacation planning; Tree of Life; this quote: "John Updike makes all his characters sound like adulterous literature professors." (Gene Lyons); The Professional by W.C. Heinz; tumblr; the New Yorker iPad app; Children's Hospital on Adult Swim

airplane rides that last more than 8 hours; okay, airplane rides at all, basically, save the excitement of getting wherever you are going (assuming you are excited to get to wherever you are going); worry; public transportation; being stuck in the office when it's sunny and beautiful outside; board meetings; Tree of Life; arguing about Tree of Life; construction happening down the road at the cafe where I like to sit outside and read; moving; helping your friends move (not to be a jerk and say we don't want to help you move because, hey, we're buddies, of course we'll help you, but here's the thing... we'd really kinda rather not. moving sucks); going grocery shopping

summer and sunny days finally being here (see: bbqs; see: pitchers of margaritas outside; see: driving with the windows down); Angry Birds; Tha Hangover 2; baby powder (see: specifically, Gold Bond is good)(we contend this to be horribly under appreciated in our modern times); new iPads; making to-do lists; adding bullet points to your to-do list after you already finished doing it, just so the list/day looks more productive; listening to podcasts on long drives (The B.S. Report; New Yorker: Fiction; WTF with Marc Maron); tumblr; OFWGKTA; creating a tumblr mostly just to follow all the various odd future tumblrs; iced coffee; the fact that Jon Hamm is reported to be directing the Mad Men season premiere; Friday Night Lights; Bridesmaids

sunburn; Angry Birds (oh, yeah. this is why I purposefully avoided playing it for so long. like... I'm actually seeing dents or cracks in things (cars, sidewalks, buildings) and thinking, 'one more red bird would bust through that; or, I could totally hit that with a boomerang toucan); the preview for that new movie with Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts (make it stoppppp!!); the fact that Mad Men won't be back until march 2012; the fact that Friday Night Lights is over

our "expert" panel of picks for the 2011 season (more likes to come. we're currently recovering from watching Grandy help the Yankees beat the Tigers on Opening Day)

baseball haters; the Yankees



True Grit; Jeff Bridges; The Fighter; Christian Bale; Marky Mark; the fact that we still prefer to refer to Mark Wahlberg as Marky Mark; Black Swan (re: specifically: you know)(also, question: was this movie possibly the "best" cheesy movie ever, or was it much cheesier than it is getting credit for? the intended tone is an ongoing mystery); Natalie Portman; Mila Kunis; Winter's Bone (note: yes, we have been watching a bunch of movies lately, here at the end of the year. what?); Daniel Woodrell; the Kindle; french press coffee; the article on the Nintendo guy in the recent New Yorker; teriyaki; gambling; big, expensive, steak dinners; the James Franco short story collection, Palo Alto

How Do You Know (note: yes, some of us could tell by the trailer that this movie was going to suck but because we had been forbidden to see True Grit for harder-than-is-necessary-to-explain-here reasons, we had to see something else and, somehow, this was what happened)(note #2: yes, it is somehow even much, much more awful than was expected); people who make you see horrible, really bad, horrible movies like How Do You Know; Blue Angel (yes, we mean the Francine Prose book); the James Franco short story collection, Palo Alto

Aziz Ansari; Marc Maron's WTF podcasts; Kanye's new album; Kanye's epic, beautiful, ridiculous, completely over-the-top, amazing, horribly acted, hypnotizing, makes-you-feel-like-you-are-on-drugs (which, btw: likes: things that are so surreal that they make you feel like you are on drugs (see also, for example: the Spork dance party reading this last summer)) "Runaway" movie; 127 Hours; Patrick Somerville's The Universe in Miniature in Miniature; the first couple of snowfalls of the year =ing the new pattern of hot toddy drinking; basically all combinations of hot drinks and liquor (mmmm!); Sleigh Bells; Stand By Me; wanting to get the COBRAS tattoo from Stand By Me ("Stop moving. You're gonna make me fuck up the snake part.")

Nicki Minaj's new album (not sure if it is an actual dislike, per se, but also, after one listen, not sure if I ever need to listen to it again. the beats are just awful. it sounds like it was produced for that band that did that horrible "I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barie world" song like a decade or two ago); being sick; when you have to clean a big snowpile off your car, and especially when you can't find your gloves, because it just finally got cold for the first time of the year and so you haven't yet dug out your snow gloves from whatever hole you hid them in in the Spring and so your fingers and hands end up getting cold to the point of immense pain

The Walking Dead (both comic and TV series); seeing Let the Right One In again in the theater on Halloween; rereading some old George Saunders ("Sea Oak"! "The Barber's Unhappiness"!) after being pummeled with years of lame Saunders-wannabe stories (and, really, some lame Saunders, too (um, "Puppy"?)) and remembering how amazing and brilliant it is; the personal geek glory of getting Dave V. from Botch to blurb my book; Ritz crackers; two-dollar whiskey night at the bar; Adam Levin's The Instructions; Richard Powers' recent story in The New Yorker; flasks; Etgar Keret; John Brandon's Citrus County; Marc Maron's WTF podcast (specifically, the Louis C.K. episodes are great; of course, pretty much everything with Louis C.K. is great); the short film that Simon A. Smith just linked to from his facebook that was inspired by Wolff's "Bullet in the Brain" and which I am currently watching while typing these likes ("They is. They is. They is.")

speeding tickets (specifically, speeding tickets on ways to and/or from readings, though these aren't necessarily disliked more than tickets received under any other circumstances so much as they are the ones we've most recently received); when you run out of Ritz; going to the grocery store; finally getting up the energy to go to the grocery store then, upon returning home, realizing that you forgot the one or two things you most needed to go to the grocery store for; the Miami Heat; the new LeBron James Nike commercial (ok, ok, it is actually kinda a "like" but don't tell anyone); having to wait a week for the next episode of The Walking Dead

working out a fancy gym (for free!) in old kung-fu pants; working out at a fancy gym (for free!) wearing khakis and work shoes; working out at a fancy gym (for free!) for the first time ever; Brittany on Glee {psst! she's the funniest one!}; superchunk playing on jimmy fallon; Son House's right hand; Patron's wee little mini-bottles, the look like Dungeons & Dragon's potion containers; new socks; new socks making your old busted shoes feel new again; the new season of Bored to Death (yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy); red velvet fried chicken ; cupcake/wine flights; walking into a random Mexican restaurant, sitting down for a nice little meal, and noticing that "fried tarantula" is one of the meat choices; Jennifer Koh; John Adams' Violin Concerto; Semi Precious Weapons; my new job; being nervous before performing; feeling pre-show adrenaline hit your system, like one second it's not there and, then, OHMYGODI'MALLNERVOUS-NOW!; your SO smelling like a Barbecue Joint; Antoine Dodson; secret elevators; secret elevators that take you to secret places; secret elevators that take you to secret places and when you take the elevator back down from the secret place you can't really remember how you got to the secret elevator in the first place so then you have to wander around lost for a while and get back to work late from lunch; that video of the dog dancing the merengue; unexpectedly getting a whole pile of books in the mail on a Saturday; one dollar bottles of whiskey for when you just want a little for a little

biopsies, even the "we're sure this is NO big deal" biopsies; Gym memberships being really so very expensive; being around naked men; carpeted gym locker rooms; drum circles; any location where the instructions "meet me by the drum circle" aren't clear enough instructions because there are so many goddamn drum circles within sight/earshot (I'm looking right at you, Ocean Beach on a Sunday night); that new Zach Galfianakis movie; MUNI; working on the weekends; Jerry Springer: The Opera; 12 hour workdays; scams/telemarketers; getting caught in the torrential rain without an umbrella and being offered a ride by a man wearing no shirt; accepting that ride; fat dudes' nipples; the check engine light; shitty mechanics who charge way too much to perform their shitty service on your, admittedly, shitty car

Piranha 3D; lifetime free updates when you pay for software - how much integrity is that? lots; getting excited for shows, with tickets already in hand, months in advance; every line in the song "art class"; pre-ordering cds; hearing Michael Bluth's voice in your head saying "obviously, you gotta lock that down" when you learn about a show or cd and you pre-order that mess immediately; back-up singers; seriously, neko case's main backup singer is sometimes way more interesting that her; ducking; getting paid to learn new, expensive cool stuff; seeing your control freak self walk up behind you - i see you there, control-freak self, you just stay right there and keep my mouth shut; indie-rock bass playing; the way Jon Wurster (from superchunk) lifts his eyebrows each time he hits the snare drum, that is hilarious; r. crumb in crumb (he's not so creepy. he's sort of handsome); letting yourself be as big a freak as you really are; spanish smoked paprika; riding your bike; drum intros; the words "crapweasel" and "cockhat"; film festivals; gordos burritos; whiskey from the Hobart flask; collective nouns; the Monster Ball; 5 hour energy; old-school friendship bracelets, combating late-summer heatwaves by going on a slip-n-slide; using Hobart as an excuse to drink; excuses to drink in general

wanting to be part of the club, and knowing you're not putting in the time and effort to be in the club; the doctor stopping you and saying "You might not want to see this."; living broke; burning tonight's food; Harvey Pekar still being dead; r. crumb in crumb (damn if he ain't creepy); being sort of a freak; when all the vegetable and other crud slips under the sink drainer, and you've got to excavate that mess by hand; compost water-it's almost as bad as trash-juice; bed bugs; Comic Sans; telling your students you will fail any paper turned in in Comic Sans; losing books while drinking (no, seriously, this is a huge problem; I'm beginning to lose count of the half-read books and journals that I have left on the street/in bars - if anyone has any tips about how to hang onto what you're reading while getting a nice buzz on, I'm all ears... it's a quality of life issue); watching episodes of Mad Men drunk and then watching the next episode sober and realizing you have no memory AT ALL of even the major plot points from the previous issue; getting jury duty summons from two different states on the SAME day; when the barber tells you you probably don't need to be seeing him for too much longer


drinking bourbon in the bathtub; receiving text messages about bourbon in the bath tub; apple ice cream; 30 Rock marathons; Idina Menzel; pillows; public transportation; the return of Mad Men; using the word "Draper" as an all-purpose word to mean all things manly; chopping down trees; using chainsaws; building work benches; playing basketball; drunk canoeing; tequila-filled waterguns; finally, after years of trying, FINALLY making it on the Jumbo Tron at Safeco Field; getting an autograph at a Major League Baseball game; Miniature Tigers; homemade backyard swings; manhattans; anticipated beach trips; On Demand movies; the return of Brad's reviews (shameless plug!!! what a hack!!!); cherries; mid-century modern design; waterfalls; buffalo lasagna; flooring the pedal on the freeway; people who end questions with, "-amirite?" (read: I mean, I know I'm not the only one here who has recently pissed a little bit in his pantsAM-I-RITE?"); scotch; drinking scotch straight up; the fact that Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens, stars of High School Musical 1, 2, AND 3, are a real life couple (I don't know why I like that, and I want to punch myself in the face for liking it, but whaddayagonnadoAMIRITE?)

exercise; group therapy; job interviews; poetry about butterflies; public transportation; last-minute packing; the creeping worry that you know you're forgetting something, while also knowing you are overpacking; the guys we stole the tequila from; coming down with the flu during the ride home from drunk canoeing; not really remembering what it was I did while I was on the Jumbo Tron at Safeco Field; being told there is no tailgating in the Safeco Field parking garage and having to tailgate inside the car (which actually turned out to be awesome, but still); getting an autograph at a Major League Baseball game and being older than all the other autograph seekers by a good 20 years; toenail infections (no seriously. for reals, guys, these are no joke. my big toenail went awry last spring which caused my entire left foot to swell which made me limp which made the entire left side of my body ache which pissed me off all the time. now my entire toenail is falling off.); not knowing when the next season of Breaking Bad will start; studying for major exams (not school exams, but actual career exams. whaaaaat?); the cost of scotch

drunk facebooking, as in realizing at some point that you're friends with Miley Cyrus and having no recollection of apparent facebook transaction; Zac Efron?


getting the paper crane tattoos mentioned in last month's likes regardless of not really having any money for them; pretty much any and all spur of the moment tattoo getting despite lack of funds; Dancefloor by apples in stereo; Big, boss, burly cameras; the pride flag on top of the space needle; smokey nyc accents; wonderwoman's old "what am i looking at here, a swimsuit?" outfit; buying actual work-gloves for a super-cushy white collar job, cause every once in a while, you gotta use some gloves or else it's bad news; eye contact; Drop That Azz by Juvenile; math tattoos; deciding, after 34 years, that, maybe a tatoo would kick ass after all; boosting the audio from a youtube video; Stevie Nicks singing to her makeup artist (seriously, youtube that, and bring tissues, cause you're gonna bawl); Fried Chicken; Grits; fried chicken and grits; grits and fried Chicken; Cholula hot sauce; Arroz Cubano (Oh Lord! look it up - it's sort of bachelor chow and sort of "I'm never eating anything other than this, ever"); Fremont Solstice Parade mopping the floor with the Cony Island Mermaid Parade; the surprisingly kick-ass Droid Eris smartphone, I know, right?; Salad Adventures; Moon with Sam Rockwell (word!); Doing push-ups with a clap in between them, just like DeNiro in those Scorsese movies;

planning, organization, paperwork, etc.; heartbreak all over a friend's face; wonderwoman's new "let's go to yoga class and then happy hour after" outfit; eye contact; muscle aches from what may be actual atrophy from lack of use; infections in teeth that are maybe still on ? maybe all gone? who knows? it's buried IN your fucking teeth; How mushrooms just smell gross sometimes; that wierd wet-dog smell that eggs have on occasion; All other hot sauces' besides Cholula; how much getting some food out in the world costs; sour mix; not having a vacuum cleaner at your beck and call at work; the thought of scabies; Motherfuckers trying to pump fetuses up with a hormone to "wash away" lesbianism and the lack of concern for doll playing; Motherfuckers cutting on girls' clitorises to make them look more "normal" then using qtips, fingers and vibrators to see if they still can respond to stimulus - seriously what the fuck is wrong with you that you thought *any* of that was OK?; every time i call the "is the bus coming now or what?" line - it hanging up on me when i enter my bus stop. fool me once, shame on you, fool me 12 times - why can't you fix your system!?; The last 2 minutes of "carlito's way";

paper cranes; paper crane tattoos and the desire thereof; running barefoot through rainstorms; Maker's Mark; ice cream with bourbon in it; Doris Day; Hall & Oates; Crispin Best's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Fan Fiction; Gigantic Magazine; friendship bracelets; 30 Rock marathons; YouTube videos of cats flushing toilets; Friday Night Lights; most anything Aaron Sorkin does; the trailer for the new Robert Rodriguez produced Predators; Dan Chaon's Await Your Reply; Keith Lee Morris; MacGruber; the "Slayer goes to church" YouTube video; ourselves for avoiding putting the New Yorker's "20 Writers Under 40" list on our dislikes; frozen coffee drinks in the summer; reading in the sun; damn near every single thing published in pretty much every single issue of the Oxford American; the fact that there is a new Aimee Bender book out (despite not having picked it up yet; just knowing it is out there makes us happy); when Matt Bell came to town for Stories & Beer and the karaoke we rocked

not having any money and thus not really being able to justify getting any more tattoos; my job; going to my job; thinking about my job; sending out resumes to try to get a new job; worrying about my job; doing my job; pretending like I'm doing my job when I'm actually surfing the internet for pictures of kittens (ed. note: um... Andrea seems slightly less than enthused about her job right now, no?); the huge timesuck that is Facebook and all the time that is has sucked away; Bejeweled Blitz; the officiating of game 1 of the NBA Finals; the Lakers; the very fact that there is a Sex and the City 2 movie out; David Lipsky; humidity; being sick for two weeks; not being able to find books you want at the library; that moment when the song that you chose for karaoke pushes into "wow, I don't know this part at all!" territory;

Jack Z; Curtis Granderson; Mike Cameron; Cameron as a Red Sock; pitcher's duels; referring to Beltre's injury last year as 'out with a testicle', Griffey/Ichiro tickle fests (ed. note: like many of the likes and dislikes here, this was suggested by a friend. we aren't wholly sure what it means, and it seems kinda weird, but... *just* weird (and thus funny) enough to include!); Ken Griffey Jr. (still. always); cheap batting cages; getting to games early enough to watch batting practice; games on AM radio; minor league baseball; minor league ballparks; the fact that I have ignored a massive amount of homework in the last couple of days to watch baseball; wood bats; that moment in your fantasy draft where you successfully grab your sleeper and feel really smart; the fact that "The Rookie" was a true story; the sound of a good fastball; Pitch F/X; Felix & Mauer signing contracts keeping them away from the Evil Empire; triples to my suggestions; the "hot dog and ships for a dollar" special at the Esquire to kick off the return of baseball; a good dog and super-overpriced beer at the ballpark; the ups and downs of phases of baseball and the fact that we've returned to an emphasis on small ball and defense

the fact that Granderson is now a Yankee; referring to injuries as "he's out with a [body part]"; referring to one team as a plural "You've got your New Yorks, your Bostons competing for his services"; that moment in your fantasy draft where someone grabs your sleeper right before you; living in the vicinity of Chicago because, yeah, I'm gonna say it, Chicago sports (and, baseball in particular) suck; homework, especially as it piles up here as the end of the semester starts to near (yes, we know, baseball, per se, doesn't have anything to do with baseball, and so is perhaps out of place here, except that it is distracting my baseball enjoyment!); the fact that I'm not currently on a softball team; not being at a ballpark right now

not updating this pages for 3 months (seriously. taking some time off was good for us. we recommend this, in general: take some time off. it's good for you. that said, you'd think we'd come back all super-strong with a kickass "back after 3 months off!" likes list. um... maybe next month?); Synechdoche, NY (see this movie. then talk to us about it. please. everyone around us is really, really tired of hearing "has anyone here seen Synechdoche yet?" go ahead. ask them. it's to the point where we can barely even be hung out with anymore); "We Used to Vacation" by the Cold War Kids; chai lattes with a shot of espresso; Zachary Schomburg; poems that mention elk; Rachel Galvin's book of poetry "Pulleys & Locomotion"; South American movies about maids; tax refunds!; free submission managers; basketball; chapbooks;

viruses; The Wolfman (for the most part; I mean... it was enjoyable enough, but I really kinda wanted something... I don't know. more?); writing papers for school; Winter (isn't this shit over yet?); when you get to the cafe to do some work online but there aren't any available tables; when you go to the bar to watch a basketball game (or baseball, or whatever) and the bartender gives you attitude when you ask if *one* of the who-knows-how-many TVs could be changed to the game; that fact that we aren't at least a little better at basketball;

Hot Chip; the way the lead singer in Hot Chip pronounces "privacy" (prih-vuh-cee) in that one song; The National; cowboy shirts; when the pockets in cowboy shirts (or just other collared shirts) have that little place for you to slide your pen into (yes. we're dorks); in fact, pockets, in general; Mitchell's ice cream, especially chocolate dipped ube in a waffle cone; that new HBO show "Bored to Death" (Jason Schwartzman = pretty good show; Jason Schwartzman + Zach Galifianakis = fucking awesome show; Jason Schwartzman + Zach Galifianakis + Ted Danson = fucking awesome show that I have wet dreams about every night); Geddy Lee;; old clips of The Muppet Show on YouTube, especially Kermit's rendition of Once in a Lifetime and especially especially Blondie singing Call Me with a Muppet back-up band and especially especially especially Rainbow Connection as a duet between Deborah Harry and Kermit; A Serious Man; kittens; harmonic capacity; Werner Herzog; Fantastic Mr. Fox; Charles Burchfield in 1917

working; working overtime; waking up in the middle of the night and thinking about work; going back to sleep and dreaming about working overtime; insomnia; not having keys to either of the places that you live/sleep; not knowing the correct answer to "where do you live?"; clothing without pockets; when you're wearing clothing without pockets (for example, pants) and you keep forgetting that your pants don't have pockets, so you keep trying to put your hands in your pockets because you really think those pockets should be there, and instead you spend the rest of the day complaining about the lack of pockets and rubbing your hands against your pants where the pockets should be in an a obsessive way like you have Aspergers Syndrome; Geddy Lee; the new Michel Gondry documentary; when people in a theater clap at the end of a really bad movie like it was a really good movie; saxophones

ordering a 7" from the label, choosing free shipping, expecting it to arrive in 2 to 6 business weeks, and then having it arrive in three business days!; clear vinyl; download code for two songs that you just bought on clear vinyl to put on your iPod; the two new Blazing awesome Superchunk songs on that clear vinyl; not knowing if a 7" is 45 rpm or 33 & 1/3 RPM, dropping the needle on the song, listening for three seconds, lifting the needle, trying to forget what you just heard, adjusting the speed and then dropping the needle again; voice memos on the iPod - that shit is crucial!; Louis C.K. talking about technology on youtube; falling in love with Project Runway & Top Chef, HARD in the same week; Tim Gunn; buying railtickets for Europe while being in the states; Google Maps in other countries; paper lanterns; rooting for your home team contestants on Project Runway/Top Chef; that people mad obviously lie about their age on Project Runway/Top Chef and you're reminded of that lie EVERY TIME they talk to the camera directly; the local grocery store's restroom being empty when you're suddenly sick in the morning at the bus stop; realizing you have, indeed, on the reals, made a small change to something in your life you really wanted to change; Tim Gunn; the phrase "on the regular" or "on the reals"; Justin Timberlake; the "what?!" in the line "fill another cup up, feelin' on yo butt (what?!)"; Tim Gunn; Talking Heads; Peter Sellers; valium; bread; Squirrelbombing

no actual native todo app on the iPod; nhe nagging feeling that Google Maps is going to make one even less adventurous; using Hobart dislikes to vent about tech problems; missing out on readings, especially just down the road; stealing someone's thunder; getting suddenly sick in the morning at the bus stop; even the name T-pain; doubting even for a second that Justin Timberlake is not the Dean Martin for this new century, I mean the good Dean-o not the drenched in schmaltz Dean-o.; working seven days a week

Summer heat; Trader Joe's Pomegranate Green Tea + Ketel One vodka; cross country road trips (esp. San Francisco ----> Atlantic City); cupcakes; softball; the smell of lighter fluid (which, by itself is nice, but we all know that the smell of lighter fluid means someone nearby is bbq'n!); Sector 9 longboards; telling stories of how my friends and I used to rock the shit out of the Fourth of July and having nearly everyone I tell be visibly impressed with how hard we used to ROCK THE HOLY HELL OUT OF THE FOURTH OF JULY!!!; Indian reservation fireworks; Reno!; Sitting in a Reno hot tub with the aforementioned Fourth of July friends in 49 degree weather and two bottles of quickly disappearing liquor; the myriad of possible cougar jokes one can come up with while in Reno; Joe Torre; referring to CD's as "albums" because the word "album" somehow more accurately describes a well-thought out set list, whereas simply calling the order of songs a "CD" seems oddly inadequate; the Smashing Pumpkins circa 1990's; being given an Edgar Martinez autographed baseball for my birthday; infused tequila; the first poop of the day; moving; $1 ice cream; Santa Barbara; throwback jerseys; SoCal beaches; Yo Gabba Gabba!; being by the pool on a 100 degree day; drinking; Ginger Ale and whiskey; whiskey and whatever else is within reach; mom and pop stores (especially old school hardware stores); blackjack; playing blackjack in a casino (Seriously. It should be noted that we here at Hobart loooooooove a good run at a table game of blackjack, or any other table game for that matter.); ordering a double while sitting at a table playing blackjack and the waitress is nice enough to accommodate this request even though she is technically not supposed to; The Melting Pot; happy hour; 100% ring spun cotton shirts; Jeremiah Weed Sweet Tea Vodka; anything with Bryan Cranston in it (re: Breaking Bad, Malcom in the Middle); Metalocalypse; ATHF (specifically Carl); 80's action movies and TV shows; this new Mos Def album, The Ecstatic; Gwyneth Paltrow; the fact that there is a new, kickass Jeffrey Brown theme available for personal google pages!; RZA

Summer heat; paying rent; Manny being Manny; Pulling a hamstring; Pulling a hamstring in a softball game; forgetting I've pulled my hamstring when I wake up in the middle of the night to go pee and almost falling on my ass; walking to the bathroom in the middle of the night with a pulled hamstring and stepping on a lego piece (!); Working hard for a masters degree and not having a job to show for it and applying for a part-time position which I am more than overqualified for and almost knowing with exact certainty that I won't be hired for the position I happen to be overqualified for; not being able to rock the holy hell out of the Fourth of July because none of my friends live in California; California "fireworks"; Washington state's new 13.5% tax on alcohol (WHAT?!); flip-flops (I know, I know. Its just that they're really not all that comfortable, are they?); The Smashing Pumpkins circa now; TLC's fascination with ridiculously large families; mailing two (TWO!) baseballs to Edgar Martinez at two different times and asking him for an autograph (yes, I included a self addressed stamped return envelope) with the hopes of at least one ball returning autographed (neither has); the Designated Hitter rule in the American League; pooping more than three times in a day; moving; having to pee so bad my lower back begins to ache; overdrafting the checking account; overdrafting the checking account about 5 times a month on a consistent basis; sunburns; rashes; when you wash a shirt and it shrinks far more than you were led to believe a shirt could possibly shrink; heartburn; having to piss during a movie in the theater; Che Guevara shirts; Affliction shirts; Gwyneth Paltrow; casino waitresses who won't bring doubles and look at me like I'm a douche for ordering one; running out of ink; running; times when its not happy hour; knowing full well you're stalling - not writing - and doing another stalling thing; reading a whole giant book on Brazilian music - getting SO excited to hear new stuff - seeking out what precious bits you can find at the library - and not liking 98% of it.; having to season the skillets again; temperamental bbq's (seriously, plz just cook my meat and don't make me get out the Foreman)

Iowa City; mixing bourbon with dang near anything; making a flask reference at a small press fair in Iowa City, only to have someone reply, “yeah, I remember reading on your likes lists that you love the flask”; The Hangover; most any and everything Zach Galifianakis has ever done (well, actually, most of the movies he’s done have sucked, but he always rules); talking friends into getting tattoos with you; getting talked into getting a tat by your friends; the movie They Shoot Horses, Don’t They; all of Darren Aronofsky’s movies, despite (maybe even because of?) all of their flaws; J. Robert Lennon’s Castle; being told something is the "phone equivalent of hair-pulling"; reading Beth Nugent's City of Boys outloud to a Jewish drug dealer at 3 AM; ukelele sing-alongs to Biz Markie's "Just a Friend" (well, frankly, any and all mentions of Markie's "Just a Friend" are a like, much less a sing-along, much less a UKELELE sing-along); avoidance; drunk texts; opening a bottle of wine with a screw and a pair of pliers; trying (emphasis on "trying") to play wheelchair basketball (that mess is super fun, yo!); getting ready to go on this road trip reading tour: The Dollar Store Summer Tour of Awesomeness!

speeding tickets (see, especially: in the middle of nowhere, Ohio)(see also: getting said speeding ticket because your car is old and sometimes the entire dashboard just stops working and so you try to pace yourself by following the car in front of you (in the right hand lane, no less!), who was apparently going 73 in a 55); humidity; riding your bike and/or walking most anywhere in the summer in said humidity, only to arrive and be immediately covered in a film of sweat; being told that bring deodorant on a road trip is "non-negotiable"; checking your bank account balance; buying groceries; when your friend(s) get super drunk and trash the lawn furniture in your backyard at like 5 in the morning; getting kicked out of random house parties that you might have crashed because you are too drunk and being obnoxious and also, it just happens to turn out, you actually randomly met the dude who lives in said house/apartment a week before and you (apparently) drunkenly called him names and he has (again, apparently) been holding a grudge or something for the last week (actually, what are we talking about? that totally belongs over there on the likes half. my bad); drunk texts; unintentionally lopsided haircuts


series of sonnets about Eric Chavez (who'dathinkit?!); basically everything about Curtis Granderson; the fact that Dontrelle Willis is on the dl for "anxiety disorder" (I'm not actually sure if this is a like or dislike or just generally a "uh... whahuh? seriously?" but, regardless, it needed to be mentioned); playing catch; home run derbys (both professional, All Star-style; and backyard, played with whatever-means-you-have style); the fact that you are reading this now despite it being very much still a work-in-progress; strike out, throw out double plays

rain delays; the fact that both the Mariners and Tigers really, really sucked last year; Scott Boras; the fact that no one invited me to play fantasy baseball with them this year

special AWP issue, by Elizabeth Ellen

the two and a half minutes Brian Evenson read Thursday night at Quickies; the ten and a half minutes Aaron spent drunkenly gushing to Brian Evenson after the Quickies reading Thursday night; Sean Carman’s enthusiasm; Mike & Julie Alber’s table-selling skillz; all the people who stopped by the Hobart table for a shot of bourbon and bought a book or journal; Claire Watkins; Mary Miller; Dan Chaon’s comment that the Hobart calendar brought him a ‘great deal of pleasure’; Dan Chaon’s enthusiasm for Lost; walking over and bugging Barry at the Dogzplot table whenever I got bored and/or whenever I wanted to spy on the cool guys at the NOÖ Journal/Publishing Genius table; Sam Pink; Sam Pink’s book, ‘I Am Going to Clone Myself Then Kill the Clone and Eat It’; the fact that Sam Pink looks a lot like Travis Bickle; the El reading Friday night; Blake Butler’s reading on the El Friday night; Barry cutting a rug with all his bitches at the AWP dance; Ryan and Christy Call (or, as I like to call them, the Donny and  Marie of the Indie Lit Scene); Gene Morgan and Daniel Bailey; Gene Morgan kicking back to his iTunes while all hell broke loose in his hotel room; Blake Butler’s enthusiasm for ice and "ice collectors" aka: ice buckets; Aaron’s "interpretation" of Mary Miller’s story at the Opium Literary Death Match Wednesday night; finally introducing ourselves to Jonathan Messinger after being at a number of readings together but never meeting, and having said meeting then interrupted by Claire Zulkey; “dissing” Adam Levin at the featherproof reading; getting to meet our next minibook author, Adam Novy; the banana Russ from Ninth Letter gave me; the fact that no one lectured us on giving out free booze and cigarettes; the older gentleman who said he didn’t smoke but appreciated that smokers are under attack and seemed to think it was rad we were handing out free cigarettes; free crab rangoon; running into Jonathan Fink in one of the conference rooms where we were scamming free drinks; $2 cans of Schlitz; Roy Kesey; drinking $2 cans of Schlitz with Roy Kesey; seeing old friends; drinking with old friends; old friends.

realizing that I’m really not cool enough to hang out with the cool guys at the NOÖ journal/Publishing Genius table; Jacob from ACM being a no-show at the AWP dance; the fact that certain people (I’m looking at you Mike Young and Robert Lopez!) thought they were too cool for the AWP dance; the bartender-lady who screamed at us when we didn’t order our free drinks fast enough at the dance Saturday night; the cost of drinks at hotel bars; people who introduce themselves to you by saying, "You rejected me as a friend on Myspace;" being too much of a pussy to read on the El; never being properly introduced to either Ryan or Christy Call or half the other people I came into contact with for that matter (thanks, Aaron!); book signings; panels; not getting to go out for drinks with Mary Miller; the fact that Aaron didn’t win the Opium Death Match; the fact that now we’re back at home, by ourselves, and practically living as a shut-in again; the fact that it’s more than twelve months until the next AWP; the fact that I still don’t know if Sam Pink is real.

drinking in a bar owned by one of your friends; drinking with almost all your Seattle buddies in said bar, including our very own drunk Matthew Simmons; the Edgewater in Seattle (possibly the coolest hotel ever!); when a flight gets cancelled on a day when you (or, you know, someone you are flying with) are already super stressing over the out of control windiness in both departure and, especially, arrival cities; "old" Brad Pitt in Benjamin Button; Sean Penn and James Franco being just about the most adorable onscreen couple ever; Into the Wild; the Wrestler preview; Marisa Tomei in the trailer for The Wrestler (see also, in Before the Devil Knows You're Dead (see also, the December '07 likes)); brand new, wool socks.

flight cancellations; missing your planned winery trip in Seattle due to said flight cancellations; the fact that The Wrestler still isn't out here; getting your wisdom teeth removed; trying to type up these likes lists while on the tailend of being somewhat out of it due to just-mentioned wisdom teeth removal; Rachel Getting Married (or, at least the first 20 minutes or so; we can't much speak for the rest of it); Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett's chemistry (i.e. lack thereof) in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button; sending the mass email update to Elizabeth for her to double check, before sending it out to everyone else; but then forgetting to delete "(how's this look? am i forgetting anything?)" from the subject before forwarding same message out to group list.

that crazyass surfing documentary Surfwise; the Cold War Kids; the thermals' album "the body the blood the machine"; hot chocolate in the winter; hot chocolate with a little Bailey's in it; hot chocolate with a lot of Bailey's in it; Jamie Moyer "batting" (we know this is late, but we forgot to include it last month and, frankly, it deserves a spot on this list); HTMLGIANT; drinking milk straight from the carton

Four Christmases; driving through western Michigan in the winter; running out of bourbon and being too lazy to go to the store; running out of food and being too lazy to run to the store; grading papers; most everything that falls under the umbrella-word "academia"; the word "academia"; getting made fun of for using the word "academia" even when just saying it to express a distaste

Brian Evenson's Aliens novel: No Exit; when Mike Alber gets drunk; cupcakes; Halloween; trick or treating; Deadwood; realizing that though you'd thought you'd watched all existing episodes of Deadwood, apparently you somehow skipped season 3 so you suddenly have a whole "new to you" season of Deadwood!; Mad Men; the downtown Champaign public library; again leaving these likes lists really short, possibly to come back and add to later...

the fact that there was only 3 seasons of Deadwood; the fact that the second season of Mad Men is over; Paypal

Claudia Cardinale; Once Upon a Time in the West; Brian Evenson; the fact that Evenson wrote an Aliens novel that should be out soon; the new Woody Allen movie; Penelope Cruz; Javier Bardem; just leaving this month's likes list super short because 1) well, we really like all those things, and 2) the rest of the issue is all done and I kind of just want to send out the mass email already

the new Coen brothers movie; the return of homework in my life; the fact that the New Yorker fiction podcasts are only once a month; the awkward fact that I think the couple at the table in the coffee shop I am currently in might actually be breaking up right now...

seeing outdoor concerts in the summer, seeing Kid Rock at DTE; the entire Kid Rock VIP concert ticket experience (see: getting there early for a BBQ, getting in line with a group of women who look like they showed up for Rock of Love auditions, people-watching at said BBQ, sitting like 5 rows from the stage, watching women put on make-up at their seats right before the concert, all 5 of Kid Rock's costume changes (including, maybe especially, his final swim trunks and flip-flops), and lots of rocking out); when Rev. Run came out and rocked a whole Run DMC mini-set with Kid Rock; Justin Timberlake hosting the ESPYs; the new Batman movie (obviously); seeing The Dark Knight on IMAX; Gonzo; Hunter S. Thompson running for sheriff; walking to DQ; Zadie Smith's essay on writing in The Believer; when the electric goes out for three days and you read more in those three days than you've read in the last year; driving around "rich" neighborhoods and seeing kids out with little Webers selling hot dogs instead of lemonade; bird tattoos; most any summer cocktails; making these likes lists extra short so we can go out adn enjoy the sun and previously mentioned summer cocktails.

indoor concerts in the summer; sitting in your car and not moving an inch for at least a full hour after a concert; The Strangers (edited to say that I was corrected; in fact, the first half or so was pretty good and suspenseful, but then the second half was so lame and annoying as to wipe away whatever had been good about that first half); the Mariners inability to win most any game this season; moving; packing; all the little bullshit that comes along with moving and packing (see: getting water and heat and cable turned on and/or off, buying new plates and silverware, cleaning, etc.); when good friends move to LA; when you have to throw out everything in your fridge/freezer cuz the electric was out for three days; driving around "rich" neighborhoods and seeing kids out with little Webers selling hot dogs instead of lemonade but being to full to stop and get one, having already just eaten two brats; the speed by which summer flies by.

Wanted; rad assassin movies where everything is so over the top and ridiculous that you leave the theater telling the person/people with you: "that was the best movie ever! Amazing!"; seeing said movies with a flask; Angelina Jolie's tattoos and butt in Wanted; Morgan Freeman saying "Motherfucker" and "Oh... fuck" in Wanted; books about birds; magazine articles about magic, video games, roadtrips and traveling, or buffalo; buffalo tattoos; any animal with antlers; the Detroit Tigers recent tear, finally putting them over .500; the 2008 NBA Finals; going on vacation to islands in Michigan where cars aren't allowed; Danzig; the new Weezer album (see, especially, the lyrics to "Heart Songs"); old school video game arcades; the first half or so of the Strangers; being able to watch The Office and 30 Rock and The Daily Show and The Colbert Report on for free; the sign we bought at a weird thrift store type place that has a big "S" in a big red circle with a line through it and says "no standing after dark" which we then brough home and hung on the front of our house beside our front door; haggling for said sign; Lindt Intense Orange chocolate; the fact that the new dirty comedy issue of Monkeybicycle is finally, finally, finally out.

Angelina's too-skinny arms (I'm all but sure they are the same diameter above the elbow as below, if not even smaller, which kind of creeps me out more the more I think about it); the cover of Vanity Fair with a close-up of Angelina where she looks like a weird, creepy mannequin or something and the fact that it creeps us out whenever we see it on the newsstand; when the people at Home Depot are unhelpful and look at and talk to you like you are a moron for knowing absolutely nothing about home repair; the Seattle Mariners' continued woeful ways; the Lakers; the final quarter or so of The Strangers, once it hits the points where it starts to drag on and get a little boring and then that boring spell makes you stop and realize that there is no point to the movie and they are just going to die in the end anyway and you might be OK with that if the killers were otherwise interesting enough to hold your attention but they aren't really so you just stop caring; that new show on CBS "Swingtown" (granted, this show is so cheesy and lame that it is enjoyable and therefor may may belong on the other half of this list, but that half is already long and so, for the sake of keeping things even, and also a reluctance to put say we like the show despite its just mentioned enjoyablility, we are calling it a dislike).

most everything Jim Ruland covered in his week of guest blogging at The Elegant Variation a few weeks ago (we aren't sure how to link to this week, but this post is a good place to start (Roy Kesey & Dzanc! Ruland, himself! Kevin Sampsell & Future Tense! Donald Ray Pollock! flasks!!! lots more!), and then you can try to find your way around from there, if you so desire and you haven't already)(we are feeling especially fond of brevity this month and so thought to leave it at just that. then we realized we really should mention the Wigleaf 50 which is really cool, and also fall under our desired theme of brevity as they are all stories that are less than 1,000 words. however, we then further realized that Ruland actually wrote about Wigleaf and their afore-mentioned "50" during his also afore-mentioned week of guest-blogging so, really, we didn't need to mention it because we kind of already had. and now, because our fondness for asides and parentheticals while doing these likes lists is greater than our current fondness fore brevity, well... this is no longer as brief as we'd intended. whatever.).

there are probably a couple things that we like that weren't name-checked during Ruland's inspired blogging frenzy that we just raved about over there to the left but, for the most part, our dislikes this month are just about everything that Ruland DIDN'T mention. if it's good enough to like, it seemed like he worked it in somehow.

getting to relive Vegas memories while composing these likes lists; Vegas; turning around at the Palms after having gambled for teh last few hours and seeing all your friends, who your girlfriend arranged to fly in and meet you as a surprise for your 30th birthday; sitting at a blackjack table with all your friends after you've one-by-one sat in empty seats as they became available and eventually taken it over completely; the buffet at the Rio (obviously);when lit journal editors tell contributors to "eat shit and die!" after they complain about not having received their free issue (why haven't we yet taken this tactic? from now on, all letters from Hobart will simply read "eat shit and die!" or, if we are extra tired, just, "ES&D!"); when people leave really, really long comments on our blog about how we don't take the art of haiku(s) seriously enough, not realizing that we don't really take anything all that seriously and they just spent probably twice as much time on a comment about baseball haiku than we've spent thinking about Hobart as a whole over the last seven years; Flight of the Conchords; when you spend 3-1/2 hours in a bookstore while the kid waits in line to get a book signed (well, by "waiting in line" we mean "milling about the store until her number (187) is called, which we had to call earlier in the day to procure (see also: likes: not being sure if we used the word "procure" correctly, but using it anyway, despite ease of being able to just look it up online)) and using that time to read ("humorous" essay collection by person who isn't David Sedaris? lame!; new ficiton in the new issue of The Sun? awesome!); cafes that serve bottomless mimosas at brunch; when places that previously offered bottomless mimosas at brunch but then got rid of them because people were abusing the offer bring them back.

having to postpone a Vegas-centric likes list because of our annual baseball issue (not that we don't love baseball and our accompanying April issue just... you know... Vegas!); how pretty much all the casinos have gone to paying 6:5 on single deck blackjack; when you get all excited to go somewhere, specifically for the bread pudding you remember someone else getting on your last visit, only to find they don't have bread pudding and you were thinking of something else; when you order the "Rose of Cabernet", not knowing what that means exactly, and then get a glass of chilled, way-too-sweet-and-fruity wine; essay collections that come out under a lot of hype and featuring essays about topics that you get really excited about but then suck; people who bitch about flash fiction and how it isn't really a "story" or how it is bastardized fiction or whatever their argument is. we never fully catch it as we usually just tune out after not too long; the preview for that new Helen Hunt movie that she also directed and which she looks scary in because women who are basically older than college age and are waaaaay too thin look scary and why doesn't anyone tell all these women that if they gained a little weight they would look so much better, if not really, really great?; when cafes offer the best deal ever (see: bottomless mimosas at brunch) but then get rid of them.


Opening Day!; the fact that baseball season is here again; the fact that baseball season being here means warmer weather should also (hopefully) soon be here; all the offseason trades and signings that the Tigers made making their team look crazy good this year; huge 100,000 people crowds at LA Coliseum to see a baseball game; the fact that the LA Coliseum isn't meant to host baseball games which means the left field fence is only 200 ft.; seeing Joe Torre move outfielders around to compensate for said super-short left field and playing 5 infielders and only 2 outfielders (it was like tee ball or something!); Curtis Granderson; Curtis Granderson's MySpace blog; getting to the ballpark early on free giveaway day (see, especially: Magglio Ordonez hat and wig day!); getting to the ballpark early enough to catch batting practice; really weird mascots that no one understands (see: Mariners Moose, Phillie Phanatic, etc.); standing room only tickets; betting.

opening day games in Japan; the fact that games in Japan makes the idea of "opening day" confusing; not having a TV come baseball season; getting worried about too-high expectations for the Tigers' loaded lineup; trying to think of new likes and dislikes every year for this annual baseball update when, really, we pretty much 1) like the same stuff about baseball every year, and 2) just want to load the list with our like of Rickey Henderson and Tony Gwynn and Nolan Ryan headlocking Robin Ventura and our dislike of the Yankees and A-Rod; Curtis Granderson being on the 15 day DL because of a broken finger; no cheerleaders; George Bush's crackdown on online gambling making it near impossible for us to bet on baseball games.

special Kentucky Bourbon Trail likes

rolling into town just in time to catch the last tour at the Buffalo Trace distillery; the fact that there is a distillery that combines two of our favorite things: bourbon and buffalo; any food item that has bourbon added to it (i.e. bourbon balls, bourbon fudge, bourbon caramel sauce, bourbon apple butter (mmm, bourbon apple butter!), bourbon cherries, bourbon barbeque sauce, bourbon coffee...); bourbon flavored cigars; the ol' "looking-through-your-wallet-for-the-AAA-card-that-you-know-doesn't-exist-all-so-you-can-get-the-10%-AAA-discount" ploy; the cute tour guide at Maker's Mark who stuck her arm elbow-deep into a vat of whiskey mash; getting to stick our hands into the mash ourselves and taste the various stages of mash (sweet beer, sour beer, flat beer); getting to dunk our own bottle into the cool red wax at the Maker's Mark gift shop; the fact that almost everything in the Maker's gift shop comes dipped in their cool red wax (the glasses, the flasks, the bourbon flavored cigars...); walking into hundred year old warehouses where barrels of whiskey are stored and inhaling the "angels' share"; Kentucky; the beautiful rolling hills of Kentucky; most of the people we encountered in Kentucky (read: everyone not affiliated with the Woodford Reserve distillery); bourbon tasting at the end of every tour; free bourbon balls; being given samples of "White dog," AKA "White Lightning," AKA moonshine, at the Wild Turkey (and also Maker's Mark!) distillery; the fact that, by law, one of the rules that makes bourbon bourbon is it has to be made in the US (take THAT Canada! and you too Scotland and Ireland!); the fact that one of only two S-shaped bridges in the world is in Kentucky, just below the Wild Turkey factory; the fact that you can tell how much of this likes list was written by Elizabeth because she is seemingly incapable of adding a like without using the phrase "the fact that..."; giggling under our breath like Beavis and Butthead anytime the word "bunghole" was mentioned, which was a lot; bourbon pecan pie; room service; watching Big Redneck Wedding on CMT while in the hotel; staying at the Capital Plaza hotel in Frankfort; the fact that Frankfort is the capital of Kentucky and feels like a ghost town on an episode of Scooby Doo; horsies! Pretty, pretty horsies!; the fact that this likes list is so long, and much longer than the dislikes half because, by and large, there is a damn lot to like about a Kentucky Bourbon Trail trip

when you're the only two people on a tour and the tour guide is an older man who keeps telling one of you that you look exactly like his daughter-in-law; when that same tour guide asks at the end of the tour if he can hug you and by "hug" he apparently means press the upper portion of you to him for approximately fifty-nine seconds; the Jim Beam distillery; the fact the Jim Beam is the world's largest producer of bourbon and yet they don't even offer an official tour; when your girlfriend looks at you totally embarrased as you rifle through your wallet for said AAA card that both of you knows doesn't exist; when you check into your hotel room after being in the car for six+ hours, use the bathroom, then realize there is no soap or shampoo anywhere in the place; when you have to call down for soap/shampoo, which you use, and the following day, when you return to your hotel, find that not only is the soap you were using gone, but none has been left in its place; when you're 5'7" and the showerhead has been positioned so high you have to stand with one foot on either side of the tub in order to rinse your hair or face or feel water of any sort on any part of you; being talked into waiting forty-five minutes to take the tour at Woodford Reserves; not having time to eat at the overly delicious sounding restaurant in Frankfort that we saw an ad for that supposedly had the best ribs, or maybe it was burgers, in town, because you were talked into taking the tour at Woodford Reserves; paying five dollars each for the tour at Woodford Reserves even though every other distillery tour was free; the cheap plastic shot glasses you get at the end of the tour at Woodford Reserves; the fact that everyone we encountered at Woodford Reserves seemed to have a stick up their ass; Tom Arnold's "hosting" of My Big Redneck Wedding on CMT (someone please make that guy stop); not getting to see Daniel Boone's grave before leaving town;

special AWP issue, by Elizabeth Ellen

meeting people in person you previously knew only online; hotel bars; NOO Journal; hearing Dan Wickett curse; sharing a table with Juked; Mike Young & Blake Butler (together and separately); everyone who stopped by the Hobart table; our rotating themed table decorations featuring My Little Pony, Star Wars, and High School Musical; the people who noticed said decorations and quickly averted their eyes while walking away; the AWP dance (if you thought you were too cool for it, you probably are (I'm looking at you, Mike Young!) but you still missed out, that mess was rockin'!); free drinks; dancing with Jacob from Another Chicago Magazine; watching really drunk writers dirty dancing with other really drunk writers they've just met (see: us dancing with Jacob from Another Chicago Magazine); Krispy Kremes at four in the morning: the fact that Michelle Orange hung out with us all day Saturday despite our (admittedly) overuse of the word "cock"; spending over an hour discussing the ways in which one might fuck a fetal pig and whether or not fucking said pig makes you gay (our conclusion: if the pig's female, you're not gay); the bar at 10th and Avenue B (sorry, we forget the name or, more likely, never knew it) where we ended up Friday night and at which the now infamous fetal pig conversation took place; flasks; drinking whiskey out of flasks; taking a flask to a NY bar because drinks in NY cost three times as much as they do in the Midwest and we're cheap; Tao Lin's whale poem (if you've heard him read it, you know what we're talking about: "The next night we ate whale..." laughy!); the dudes at Ninth Letter; the fact that Aaron finally let me write my own likes/dislikes.

meeting people in person you previously knew only online; trying to catch a taxi at 6 o'clock on a Friday night in the pouring down rain; the fact that (apparently) hotel bars in NY close at midnight (seriously? wtf?); drinking in hotel bars; when you're flying on a super windy day and everyone around you is already feeling sick and the stewardess comes on and says, "if you're feeling nauseous, your airsick bag is in the seat in front of you," causing two people in front of you to vomit; literary panels; talking/whining about how no one reads short stories anymore; post -AWP strep throat; talking so much for four days straight that you lose your voice and sound like Fran Drescher; when a random dude comes up to you in a hotel bar and says "we're Facebook friends" and your obvious lack of recognition makes him follow up with, "Scrabulous?" (or maybe this is a like? I'm not wholly sure. either way, it needed to be on this list); when you're waiting in the hotel lobby for your boyfriend who is (allegedly) using the bathroom and five minutes later someone who is not your boyfriend comes out of the hotel bar to get you because your (alleged) boyfriend is already sitting/drinking at a table full of ladies and has forgotten all about you; not getting to see people you previously only knew online but now know and love in person in person for another year (barring road trips); the inability to word the previous sentiment unawkwardly; the fact that unawkwardly isn't a word according to MS Word; writing really cheesy likes/dislikes and sounding like a tool.

Juno; that scene in Juno where she tells Michael Cera that she likes him because he doesn't have to try to be cool and he responds, "I try really hard, actually"; when McSweeney's gets name-checked in Juno; Arrested Development; Freaks & Geeks; Undeclared; the preview for There Will Be Blood; the Ben Marcus story in the most recent Harper's; Stop Smiling (is anyone else reading this mag? it's awesome); buffalo; all those year-end lists (sure, they are kind of obnoxious, but they are kind of great and fun too, no? we love 'em!); Entourage; getting a mug with a picture of yourself on it as a Christmas present; regifting all the presents you got and didn't really want at your post-Christmas party; gifts that are recurring (magazine or newspaper subscriptions, wine- or brownie- or whatever-else-of-the-months clubs, etc.); scarves in the winter; flasks; humidors; the fact that Snoop Dogg has his own reality show; Knocked Up; Superbad;; the David Blaine parodies on; meat and cheese (in all forms, really, but especially around these times in the form of presents from Hickory Farms); arcades; bearded David Letterman; bearded Conan O'Brian

driving through a snowstorm and having your 4 hour drive home turn into a 6 hour drive, at least; driving for six hourse through said snowstorm then having to shovel the driveway when you get home; that show "Aliens in America" (we downloaded one episode free from iTunes (and, sure, OK, maybe it was not a representative episode), and it was lame and annoying and just made us want to go back and rewatch "Freaks and Geeks"); the fact that Snoop's reality show is really, really bad (and, yes, we mean this within the already pretty bad context of reality shows); the preview for 27 Dresses; Katherine Heigl; the fact that Katherine Heigl told Vanity Fair that she thought Knocked Up was sexist (um... and then her next movie is 27 Dresses, another stupid movie seemingly about how all every woman really wants is for the right man to come by and sweep her off her feet and... I can't even think about it all anymore. the preview looks stupid and Katherine Heigl is stupid and now she deserves multiple spots on many dislikes lists from here on out. so there. that'll show her!); the rise in postal prices (which happened a few months ago, we know, but we've been sending out the new issue of Hobart for the last few weeks and that postal increase is a bitch)

Sam Elliott (we kind of wanted to just leave it at that. "Sam Elliott." nothing else. we just saw The Golden Compass and, of course, remembered the Big Lebowski, and it almost felt right. damn, that guy is awesome. but then it felt like some kind of injustice not also praising our love for No Country For Old Men and Tommy Lee Jones and well, now we are back to the Coen Brothers and Big Lebowski and Sam Elliott...); No Country For Old Men; Tommy Lee Jones; The Big Lebowski; Cormac McCarthy; The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada; Guillermo Arriaga; the polar bear fight in The Golden Compass;; when someone sends you a bunch of Euros in the mail for a Hobart subscription; tacking said Euro notes to your wall because you aren't sure when you'll ever next go somewhere to exchange them; going to the Hemingway House in Key West on Thanksgiving Day; going to Key West for Thanksgiving; ghost tours in Key West; Michael Cera; when you go on vacation and the 11 and 14 year-olds you are with bring with them printed out pictures of Michael Cera and Tom Cruise, respectively, and even tape them up to the window on the plane; taking Pasha to the Motown Museum; naked Marisa Tomei in Before The Devil Knows You're Dead (see also: Marisa Tomei's panty'ed ass in Before the Devil); "An Evening with Dan Wickett" at Shaman Drum in Ann Arbor; Whitney Pastorek; not worrying about making the two halves of this list match in length, mostly due to still being stuck thinking about Marisa Tomei...

just about everyone who isn't Sam Elliott; the fact that there weren't enough badass polar bear fights in The Golden Compass; all the awful Coen Brothers movies we had to wait through since The Big Lebowski until finally they stopped making crap and made something brilliant again; going on vacation and then getting a bunch of "bug bites" and not knowing what they are, but just knowing your legs itch all over -- bed bugs? some kind of ocean lice? poison ivy and not actually bug bites at all?; trying to stay organized; filling out applications; anything that in any way resembles filling out applications or paperwork or generally involves being more organized than we are; almost everything else (read: other than Marisa Tomei in various degrees of undress) about Before The Devil Knows You're Dead (obviously, the acting is great (Phillip Seymour Hoffman? amazing. always.), but it otherwise just kind of made us want to slit our wrists; the huge disappointment that was American Gangster; the fact that Pindeldyboz print is no longer; proofreading anything, but especially these lists (read: we don't really)

Halloween; super, wicked awesome costumes; red wine; Diet Mountain Dew; beef jerky (bonus points: beef jerky on a road trip); Adrian Tomine; museums; the unlikely but still wished for possibility of A-Rod getting less money after opting out of his current contract; 30 Rock; buffalo; bowling leagues; Michelle Tea and the Sister Spit tour; Weezer's Pinkerton; the Cartoon Network; corn mazes; haunted corn mazes; boston terriers; Roy Kesey; following Roy Kesey's reading tour from city to city like he is the Grateful Dead; Casey Affleck; chapbooks; digital cameras; text messaging people who are in teh same house as you; brie and baguette (bonus points: brie and baguette with fig spread); thinking adding "bonus points" to things is funny; when another player at the poker table gets two four-of-a-kinds in one night and you still beat said player; overbetting and just generally playing poker like an asshole (bonus points: add cowboy hat and sunglasses)

half-assed costumes; when you have to change trains in Chicago (or, you know, anywhere else) and you get all confused and aren't sure where you are supposed to go and you just start feeling like a total dumbass; A-Rod; Scott Boras; when people keep asking you the same question over and over again despite your attempts to move on; when your girlfriend tells you how she would do something, all the freaking time (example: why do you need more likes? if I was doing it, I'd keep a running list every month); when people who are afraid of dogs come to your house and so you have to put them away (seriously? who's afraid of boston terriers?); Gone Baby Gone; being ridiculed for thinking adding "bonus points" to things is funny; when someone else at the poker table adopts your "asshole strategy" and really pisses you off because, you know, no one likes the asshole at the poker table!

cigars and whiskey; the fact that whiskey is inadvertently on almost every month's likes' list; slobbering all over the end of a good cigar; Cuban cigars; Cuba (we assume. we haven't actually been there or anything); pipes; smoking jackets; Hugh Hefner; Karen McDougal; Isla Fisher; Vegas!; Halloween!; sharing slobbered on cigars; pets; that Porno for Pyros song "Pets"; TV on the Radio; the Jonas Brothers; Seaweed (if you have one, go get out one of your old Seaweed CDs (or tapes). we promise, you'll love it. if you don't have one, go to iTunes right now. "Spanaway" is the obvious place to start, but "Four" and "Indispensible" are just as good, if not better); Sleater Kinney (yeah, we just broke this back out too. good stuff); ceiling fans; jackets with elbow pads; beef; the Comedy Central roast of flavor flav (seriously. laughy); laughing your ass off, in general; mlb playoffs; the season premier of The Office (see: laughing my ass off)(note by person cutting and pasting this from an email from friend: I haven't actually seen this yet as we don't have cable yet and iTunes doesn't have The Office this year. ARG!); breakfast sausage and eggs over-easy; walnut pie (like a pecan pie, but with walnuts. who knew?); pocket guides; night golf; muscle cars; the Target skit on SNL; new socks; hammerhead sharks!!!

when you buy a bunch of candy for Halloween and get all excited to hand it out and then... no kids walk through your neighborhood (note: it is the beginning of October so, obviously, this hasn't happened yet. but, you know, it sucks when it does); "Cuban style" cigars; Jethro Tull; Rush; people who argue in favor of either Jethro Tull or Rush; Carlos Mencia; not laughing our asses off; the fact that we can't subscribe to The Office on iTunes this year; baseball almost being done for the season; A-Rod (always and forever); Dane Cook promoting the mlb playoffs; Wal-Mart; broken bbq'ers; when your bbq's propane tank catches fire, basically turning itself into a flame thrower (which is actually pretty cool, minus the potential for it to a-splode all in your face! actually, that might be what makes it kind of cool); young celebs who have no clue how out of touch with reality they are; large amounts of non-road trip driving; sour milk; drinking sour milk; having to poop so bad you are forced to walk funny (don't act like you dont know what we're talking about. back arched, butt out, arms at 90 degrees. you know. you've done it yourself so shutup.); having to seriously consider the possibility of actually shitting your pants in public

whiskey; Jim Beam Black; when friends get paid to go to Germany to review a metalfest; the World Beard Moustache Championships; Christopher Monks and both of his blogs and the fact that he is now the McSweeney's web editor; archery; Rob Zombie; Zach Galifinakis (sp? we're way too lazy to look it up and, much as we love the guy, that name is way too tricky for us); Wet Hot American Summer; The Ten; Winona Ryder in The Ten (this is ee's one contribution but, seriously, that girl was HOTT in that movie!); Stella; pretty much any post- The State project; stringing together lots of adjectives in a row, especially when they all mean practically the same thing; Posh Spice (yeah, I said it); bendy straws; visors (who knew?); using lots and lots of parentheticals (noticing a pattern? notes in parentheses are funny!); The Office; Steve Carrell; using what you have for bathroom supplies (soap for shampoo, soap for shaving cream, aloe vera (it's summer, sunburns happen!) for hair gel, etc.); soccer; Ronaldinho; smoking whole chickens while sporadically spraying them with apple juice; cooking chicken on the grill over an open can of beer (we haven't actually done this, but we keep hearing of pretty amazing results); eating said chickens; taquitos; tapatio; staying with the Rulands for a weekend and eating some really, really good Mexican food and drinking some really, really good whiskey; Daniel Woodrell; Curtis Granderson; hearing that Samuel L. Jackson was one of the people that rushed to the hospital to see/talk to Owen Wilson; roadtrips; air conditioned rooms; summer vacations; goodass hamburgers that have bbq sauce mixed in with the meat BEFORE it goes onto the grill; candied walnuts; chipotle; whiffle ball; flight of the conchords and the funny songs that make us laugh and email people links; listening to people still complain about the ending of the Sopranos; new socks; when certain family members send you an email before their arrival telling you to "plan activities that promote family togetherness." huh? what??

trying to eat healthy; Employee of the Month (when you watch a movie expecting to really dislike it and it still astounds you how truly awful it is... wow. somebody tell Jessica Simpson, Dane Cook, and pretty much just about anyone else affiliated with that movie to just stop); the Mariners losing nine in a row (seriously?? what the hell happened? you can't do that into the beginning of September!); The Yankees (of course.); the fact that, even when you make yourself like a popular song, or get caught up in the... whateverness of it, radio will totally ruin it by cramming it down your throat every 5th song, day in and day out; straws; how freaking long it takes to back up your computer for the first time; Christopher Walken (yeah, yeah. we know. he used to be cool. get over it.); Arizona in the summer (dry heat or not, 115 is just miserable); sweating as soon as you get out of the shower; having the air conditioning on all the time; recent electric bills; stingy servers at chipotle; when the server at chipotle throws all the ingredients into one round lump then cant figure out why the burrito wont wrap correctly; comedic songs; listening to people still complain about the ending of the Sopranos; old socks; the inability to keep simple goldfish, won at the fair, alive for more than 24 hours; when people tell you to "stop me if I've told you this before" (do they really want you to stop them? no. probably not. would they just prefer that you pretend you haven't heard it before and hear them out? probably); repeating ourselves; trying really hard every month to get these lists even. this is a lot of work. we're not sure all you wonderful Hobart readers realize that. so, from here on out, let's just say: "duly noted" (note: yep, the addition of that brought us to just about dead even); when certain family members send you an email before their arrival telling you to "plan activities that promote family togetherness"

this Joe Dirt speech:
"So your gonna tell me that you don't have no black cats, no roman candles, or screaming mimis?... You got no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das, or crap flappers?... You're gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?"

when you go to buy fireworks and they "don't have no black cats, no roman candles, or screaming mimis... no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das, or crap flappers... no whistling bungholes, no spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser?"

baseball; The Office; Kelly on The Office (that Netflix speech was pure gold!); Steve Carell; the trailer for "Knocked Up"; pretty much all things Judd Apatow-related; pretty much all things Seth Rogen-related; the "Superbad" preview; "American Youth" by Phil LaMarche; getting your hair cut and realizing that, apparently, the way you described your desired cut to the person cutting your hair made her think you wanted a mullet; MySpace; adding songs to your MySpace page; writing stupid shit on your MySpace page; taking pictures of yourself, bored, drinking, and wearing a cowboy outfit, with your built-in laptop camera; "cowboy parties"; "Cult of Personality" by Living Colour; actually, pretty much all songs by Living Colour; updating this likes list (which probably should have long-since run its course) in a fury, and not even thinking about or realizing what all you are talking about; KEXP; bottomless mimosas on a weekend morning; summer cocktails; getting tired mid-likes-update, and giving up...

most other sports; most other TV shows; not having HBO; having to wait for shows to come out on DVD; the trailer for the horribly lame looking movie with Luke Wilson ("Vacancy"?); pretty much all non-Wes Anderson movies with Luke Wilson; getting your hair cut and realizing that, apparently, the way you described your desired cut to the person cutting your hair made her think you wanted a mullet; MySpace; spending too much time on writing stupid shit on your MySpace page; every movie in recent memory with Nicolas Cage in it; My Chemical Romance; The Arcade Fire (there, yeah, I said it. I want something rocking, and this isn't it); running our of pop and being too lazy to go out for more (see, also: almost all other necessary food, drink, and alcohol products); when the local cafe that used to have bottomless mimosas and bloody marys every Saturday and Sunday morning and early afternoon (for only 8 dollars!) does away with said deal;getting tired mid-likes-update, and giving up...

baseball. period., opening day, heckling outfielders, drinking before the game, drinking during the game, drinking after the game, grand slams, inside-the-park home runs, triples, when Nolan Ryan headlocked Robin Ventura (yes, this is probably on every year's baseball likes. tell us it wasn't awesome), bench-clearing brawls, when Lou Piniella gets pissed, when Chris Sabo corked his bat, extra innings, Bases Loaded for Nintendo, outfield collisions, home plate collisions, Wade Boggs, the Detroit Tigers, the Seattle Mariners, Jim Leyland, dave winfield killing a seagull and getting booed then arrested in Toronto, Albert Pujols, old Ken Griffey Jr. posters, old Ken Griffey Jr. chocolate bar wrappers that we still have (in both colors!), when you recognize a player in the majors who you remember seeing play in the minors, pretty much everything about minor league ball

all things not baseball, the price of food at games, the price of decent tickets, the steroid controversy, the Yankees, Alex Rodriguez (yes, we know. again, every year. fuck that guy), Rob Dibble (actually, the entire cast of The Best Damn Sports Show), Mark McGwire, when Barry Bonds breaks the homerun record this year, Little League dads, traffic to and from the game, when Kirby Puckett died, the new movement to modernize minor league baseball, Nich Lachey buying the Tacoma Rainiers, the offseason

see: Feb '07

see, also: Feb '07


all of it

renting, and then driving, cars where you have to drive on the "other" side of the street; turtle farms; swimming with the stingrays; not getting stuck in the heart by a stingray; drinking rum on the beach in the Caribbean; "smuggling" a Cuban cigar back into the States (nobody in any way official reads this list, right? this was an accident. totally. kind of); steak and eggs; off-ramps; the glossy maple boards of a basketball court; pre-varsity game psych-up music; getting my truck muddy; cooking wild things for dinner; antler tattoos; peppermint brownies; aspirin; the Old Farmer's Almanac; lullabies in other languages; cheap champagne; drinking champagne straight from the bottle; OK, drinking pretty much anything straight from the bottle; parades in small towns; parades in small towns (yeah, we know we just put that twice. that is how much we love small town parades); the old Nightline, although not until it was gone; old newsmen with kind voices; Woody Guthrie; iPods (yeah, we've caught up to the rest of the world and, yes, they really are pretty great, no?)


not bringing enough delicious Tortuga brand rum cocktail fruit juice back from vacation (that mess is good!); airports; flying first class (yeah. we said it. what? OK, maybe not really a "dislike" but there just isn't anything that special about it. more room, but it still isn't very comfortable); the decline of "hott" stewardesses (we probably shouldn't really say that, huh?); Fox & Friends; dog yack under the breakfast table (editor's note: "yack" from any animal, anywhere, is pretty much always a dislike. but, the word "yack"? that's gotta be a like!); on-ramps; exceedingly immature high school students (sorry's just a mild irritation); bleacher butt; approaching angry coaches to get quotes on team performance after they've had their posterior region handed to them in an altered state (second editor's note: can you tell one of the web editors is currently covering high school sports for a local paper?); reading (no, no--wringing out) legal documents in order to get news briefs; the headaches they produce budgets; the New Nightline; Martin Bashir; Garth Brooks.

Samurai Jack; Aeon Flux (the original MTV2 cartoon); Maxx (the MTV cartoon); Maxx (the comic); Sam Kieth; Anthony Hopkins in Titus; Joyce Carol Oates' stories about serial killers; fictional psychological investigations; the premise of Hellboy and especially his nemesis 'the Freak'; spicy food; Vindaloo witha side of Naan; Sunday dinner with the in-laws; turkey shoots, and the shotgun with the scope that allows me to actually hit anything at all; going to Philadelphia and eating only cheese steaks for teh entire weekend (see also: going to Cali and eating only burritos while there); candy; being scared, late at night, when watching a horror movie all by yourself; Michael Caine (did I spell that right?); Muppets; the original Alfie


Shotgun kickbacks; Control Top Pantyhose (note by person currently typing cutting and pasting this: please remember these lists are now compiled by the entire editing team and no longer just, um, me); root vegetables (oh my gosh, especially turnips); school buses that stop every five feet; taking the dogs out in the cold; the, um, after effects of spicy food; candy; getting all excited for Halloween, carving pumpkins, decorating the house, buying a lot of candy, then waiting expectantly as almost no kids show up; the new Alfie; when people say "Do you mind if I'm honest" or "Can I be perfectly frank?" and then say something mean about you, someone else, anyone but themselves.

New York City; cigarettes; strippers; Charlie Chaplin movies; the new market down the block, with the fresh produce; that new red wine everyone is drinking; light coming in at dramatic angles every hour of the day; habanero pepper paste; chocolate rice milk; Earthships; Royksopp; turkey shoots; actually hitting the targets at turkey shoots; writing my sports column each week; Richard Ford; hot dogs with jalapenos; championship bull riding; cowboys; when someone I love shows me a movie or a book or plays me a song I don't like, but they love, and explains why that movie or book or song or poem or painting is beloved, and I can't help but like that book, song, or whatever ever after; birthday cake; birthday candles; birthday presents; pinatas; pink and brown; my two year old son singing his own version of "Happy Birthday" to me

New York City; long subway rides; cigarette smoke; exploitation; that Vaudeville sometimes seems so dead and gone; that at the new market you can't get peeled tomatoes in a can; that white wine that tastes too sweet; the opera singer downstairs; writing about football: carries, touchdowns and rushing; Ohio drivers who invade the panhandle; the gas company; my credit card bill; bureaucracy; the Hancock County clerk's office; Sinus headaches; air conditioning in October; paying to get an old car fixed because you just can't get a newer car, even though you know you'll end up spending more money in the long run getting the old clunker fixed; birthday cards that say things like "Aged to Perfection" or have jokes in them about aging body parts; traffic jams; cheap plastic toddler toys that require batteries

random, small flea markets out in the middle of nowhere; putt putt golf (bonus points if pirate-themed); aimless wandering; girls playing tennis (if ee asks, Carman said that); dunes; Northern Michigan; day trips; short weekend trips; Clerks 2; everyone who has ordered Hobart 6; sleeping in on the weekend; waking up early on the weekend and getting shit done and/or just lazily enjoying the day; ukuleles; summer time in San Francisco; wine; coming home from a long vacation to finally sleep in your own bed; a sales rack at a book store full of great books for cheap; duty-free alcohol; buy one get one free sales; buying toys for a one year old; electrical storms; books about pirates; finding things that were lost for long periods of time

customer service jobs; bankers; "schmoozing"; everyone who has not ordered Hobart 6; having to wake up early for work; waking up before your alarm goes off, already stressing about your day at work; jetlag; airplane food; how after being on a plane long enough you actually start to enjoy airplane food; unpaid bills; customs; immigration control; traffic; big American cars; losing things; long shorts/ short pants that can’t commit to being either; people who drive too fast; sandals with socks

all things Hobart #6 related

all things having nothing to do with Hobart #6

Dr. Katz; Memorial Day Weekend; the lit journal, Spork; the small press, Cloverfield; Fiona Apple; Common (this CD was a little boring at first, but I've been listening to it on repeat at work lately and LOVING it); having a Charlie Kaufman marathon (i.e. watching Adaptation, Being John Malkovich, and Eternal Sunshine, back-to-back-to-back); children's theater; iced coffee with Pet Milk; almost-melted vanilla ice cream in the bowl; corn dogs; Radio Flyer wagons (the red, wooden kind);toy stores; vacations; thunder storms in late may that make the air smell dirty but nice; buy one get one free sales at book stores; being introduced to new writers and new books.

When I never have enough time to do all the things I say I'll do, knowing that other people out there do much more, and I am probably not trying hard enough; my babyfat; the new Nightline; promotions that include more responsibility and stress; stress; talking on the phone; the stress of taking a one year old with a cold on a fourteen hour plane flight; school work; fox news; that i have some sort of sick compulsion to watch fox news; speeding tickets; hang overs.

the San Francisco Zoo; the Portland Rose Garden; west coast cities; Geek Love; Austin; flower boxes; toddlers; 4th grade talent shows; when a kid at said 4th grade talent show signs Johnny Cash; the phrase: "the dorkier, the better"; Tool, the band; the fact that the new tool single sounds exactly like the last tool single; actual tools; oversized hammers; tool boxes; listening to baseball games on the radio; that first cup of coffee in the morning; when you start to notice, by the little things, that someone you know likes you; when you find yourself out, and suddenly you realize that you are on what could be considered a date, but you don't even remember having to work up the courage to ask her out, and you are both getting along without any effort, naturally, and you wonder why this thing that seems so easy can normally be so difficult, and you promise yourself that you are going to be kind to this woman, that you can do this, you can be a good person, and that if you just do that nothing can ruin this; selling out; sunglasses; new shorts; water, cactus; deserts; falling asleep; rocking out in your car; crown royale; evan williams; the office; crab man on my name is earl; minnestronie soup; artichokes; cashews; walnuts; dark chocolate; cadbury eggs!; eggs; frosted mini wheats; coco puffs (we go kookoo for em!); hebrew; garbage disposals; stained glass; cigars; big waves; big wave contests

when you get older and you haven't taken such good care of your teeth and you dread visits to the dentist like it is the worst punishment you can think of and you can't even barely eat ice cream anymore because your teeth are too sensitive to the cold; this is cliche and obvious but, hitting your thumb with said oversized hammer; the fact that the new tool single sounds exactly like the last tool single; that second cup of coffee in the afternoon; not having HBO; this last episode of Big Love; writing "panels"; selling out; the habit of procrastination; taking a promotion that is only slightly more money but lots more responsibility; responsibility; money; getting up in the morning; forgetting your sunglasses; old shorts that are too tight in the ass; papers that dont write themselves; due dates; broken shoelaces; the way the bed sheet on my side of the bed wads together like shrek just slept there; old mattresses; puting on a duvet; bonds breaking anymore records; i also hate that taste in your mouth about 5 minutes after drinking a glass of milk or eating a thing of yogurt. ek!

Drinking beer outside; eating peanuts; bringing your glove to the game; catching a foul ball; drunk fans yelling at Damon to cut his hair; homies; sunshine; double plays; homeruns; fans fighting for homerun balls; spitting; pine tar; fungo's; stealing bases; Safeco Field; Edgar Martinez; Lou Pinella; beating the Yankees; garlic fries; Pinstripes; triples; advancing to 1st after dropped third strike; throwing at a batter; bench clearing brawls; Nolan Ryan; stretching; warning track; robbing homeruns; diving catches; Ozzie Smith back flips; breaking bats over your knee; natural grass; playing softball (extra points for playing with a beer and/or cigar in your hand); minor league ball; worn-in baseball hats that look like you've had them since elementary school; baseball cards; Ken Griffey Jr.; Harold Reynolds; Peter Gammons; when you show up to play some softball without a mitt, because you are either a moron, forgetful, randomly playing some pickup ball, or some other excuse, but you are able to borrow a mitt and still get to play; watching the game of follie and errors that is kids playing ball; opening day; day games; Bo Jackson; nosebleed seats; small ball; hit and runs; old nintendo baseball games; pitching machines; Pujols! (can he be stopped?); icy hot; old vets; still bagging on A-rod; bench clearing brawls

$8 beers; forgetting your glove in your seat; not catching a foul ball; drunk fans still yelling at Damon to cut his hair; sunburn; errors; attitudes; outrageous salaries; ticket prices; steroids; rain delays; batting gloves; chew spit; stupid fans; Yankees; getting beat by Yankees; parking downtown; waiting to pee; peeing next to 30 dudes; garlic breath; intentional walks; balks; fan interference; fans running on the field; one handed catches in the outfield(use two hands damnit); lack of hustle; getting hit in the junk with a grounder; bad hops; wet grass; muddy infield; turf; 80's era domes; striking out in softball; brand new baseball hats; Ken Griffey Jr.; Peter Gammons; not having cable, thus, no ESPN; all those damn Braves games I watched on TNT while growing up, merely because I wanted to watch some baseball and they were always on, even though I didn't give a shit about the Braves, or even the National League in general; using someone else's mitt;

wavepools; old mr.t footage; margaritas!; guy ledouche; MXC; skull-head bowling balls; bowling alleys with speedometers to tell you how fast you have just thrown your ball (friggin awesome!); the words "friggin'" and "awesome"; carl from ATHF; tiki mugs; camping; the presidents of the united states of america (c'mon, you know you love 'em. hit the road, pop in some PUSA!); the swish of corduroys when you walk; Tom Petty; that Tom Petty lyric "I'll be the boy, in the corduroy pants, you be the girl, at the high school dance"; Chris Bachelder; Elvis Costello, especially the song "Allison"; George Clooney; just now watching the first season of Lost on DVD; rewatching the first season of Roseanne on DVD; Grizzly Man; Murderball; Hustle & Flow; The Last American Man by Elizabeth Gilbert; You, Me, and Everyone We Know; Michelle Tea; Firefly, the TV show; learning new songs; writing; Cassette tape sound emulators for digital music software, including the hiss parameter to add hiss and noise BACK into your super clean digital sounds; The Anniversary Party; Phrenology by The Roots; Black Maple Hill bourbon; Capri Sun; John Falk; glue guns; staple guns; the smell of gasoline; Love Liza; Phillip Seymour Hoffman; The Sopranos;murals on trucks and vans; poker night; Gus Hansen; anyone named Gus; bowling in different states; discounts; ice cream trucks; Margaret Atwood (sometimes); Tom Sizemore; the fact that there is a coffee place called "Beaners"; soul food; cereal; chili dogs; rechargable batteries; including, in these lists, suggestions from friends, even when I don't always know what they are or when they contradict themselves

bills; late fees; toilets with low water pressure; weather reporters; the current President; politics; freezing computers; taking a three month hiatus and then still leaving way too much work to do the day before it is due; most blogs; when a blog becomes addictive, and you check it every day, even though you hate it; Elvis Costello, including, specifically, "Allison"; the current mess that is my computer desk; flight delays; nearly everything about Scarlett Johansson in Match Point, except looking at her; Match Point; Good Night and Good Luck; with a few notable exceptions, most of the "True Tales" in the New York Times Magazine (see: when you want something to be funny but it just isn't); when high hopes in a movie only lead to being disappointed (see: Match Point); Firefly, the movie; not writing; not learning new songs; root canals; the fact that Rudy Giuliani and Bono are peace prize nominees; George Carlin's latest HBO snoozefest; dandruff; wearing the beast in 90 degree weather, constipation; power outages, leprosy; warts, all ages venues; Tom Sizemore; the fact that no CD player in this apartment works -- CD's played through my computer end up freezing it, the "hi fi" "Hello Kitty" CD players works, well, when it feels like it; the stereo I've had since jr. high? definitely on its last leg. listening to music is a friggin' chore; the lack of any really great Mexican food in Michigan; when you look outside and see nothing but sunshine, so dress accordingly, forgetting for a minute that the sun might be out but it is still February in Michigan, so you really aren't dressed accordingly at all; rechargable batteries