October '05 -- stories that Brad likes

Poker Night
  by Andy Henion

More Than a Little Impressed
  by Peggy Johnson

Down With the Ship, Yo
  by Brian Beatty

Crazy Jake and Me
  by Lincoln Michel

Sportscaster Reporting About Dwarf Athletes at the 1984 Olympic Games
  by Jonathan Shipley

The Time Hopping Inter-Era Pirate Talk Show Host
  by Nick Mainieri

Selected pages from a 'Choose the Adventure You Want' story
  by Brooks Callison

You walk down a dark hallway. You pee in your breeches. You see the forms of thirsty goblins emerge from the shadows. You are sure that they are here to drink the pee in your breeches.

* To swing your mace of malice at the pee drinking goblins - turn to page 46.
* To let the goblins drink of your cooling pee - turn to page 14

The little bearded man on the tree stump seems delighted at your confusion. He has a mischievous gleam in his eye as he bring down the burbling pipe from his mouth and rests it on one small knee.

"Oh, you must be one of those lucky few to travel through the magic portals from other lands"

You stare at him, blinking, but not saying anything.

"Come now, you needn't worry, I have a small home in the hills yonder." He points with his pipe handle. "And with some piping hot gullywumpal stew and a bit of magic you'll be right as rainfall in the Neverwander Woods."

* To accept the kindly gnome's aid and begin your journey - turn to page 5
* To begin yelling "WAIT! Wait wait! What in God's name is going on? Am I on drugs? Did you give me drugs? Who are you? Are you CIA? NO! Stop. Don't say anything. Just hold on. Hold on for a minute. I'm officially freaking here. Just give me a minute to wake up or something. Oh God, oh God. What's happening?" - turn to page 4.

At the tavern you find the innkeeper thankfully has your favorite distilled spirit. You hear the bards in the corner of the great hall begin their minstrelsy. A commotion arises to your right as three comely half-elven maidens enter and stride over to you. You think to yourself, "They're barely moving but they've arrived. It's true that these maidens are looking fly."

You think to yourself, "The fairest maid, is the maid on the inside".

She says to you, "Ah! My tender thing, there you are! Come on adventurer, don't you want, want to dance with me?"

* If you think you're ready for this jelly - turn to page 36
* If you think her corporeal form's too bootylicious for you - turn to page 101

You grasp desperately at the air, for something to slow your fall. To fall off the side of Mount Battleaxe is common, but your footing was so sure, just moments before. Now, your arms are flailing around like bullwhip kelp, in the hands of fearless children. Your throat is already hoarse from screaming hysterically. You see below you the ground rushing up to meet you, and two places where you will land. While the spittle flings up from your lips into your left eye, you have to make a choice.

* To lean left and land in the diseased slug pond - turn to page 87
* To lean right and land in the pit of vivid and everlasting hallucinations of your pants falling off on-stage at the first of the year Jr. High assembly - turn to page 84

As the campfire's heat dies down and the light dims ever softer and softer, you and Arianna fall into an easy and comfortable silence. Arianna, you see out of the corner of your eye, glances in your direction. Your pulse quickens and you begin to feel its low thump in your temples increase in pressure.

Your hands, calloused and strong now, from swinging your mace at so many enemies, begin to tremble ever so slightly. The fire crackles and pops and sends sparks streaking from the flames.

* To tell Arianna of your highly amorous dream involving her that you had recently - turn to page 55
* To trust your other feelings about ruining the friendship that you and she have established, which may last for years to come, based on a shared interest in smiting evil, jokes about obscure clerical chants, and really great underground bards - turn to page 66.

You look up from your terminal to see if the boss is headed your way. You decide that in thirty seconds you're going to stop looking at porn sites at work. You think, "I'm just wasting time and I could get fired." Just as your cursor is heading towards the red X in the right-hand corner, you hear a sound you swear you've heard before.

"Was that on a Brian Eno record? Like, the 3rd or 4th track on Apollo?" you think to yourself.

Your brow furrows and you see if your cubicle mate is queueing up some music. She's still on the porn site that she just recommended to you. You feel a warm breeze cross your legs. As you look down under your desk, you see the familiar sights of a mass of black cables and the semi-circle of bluish gray dust. But, just next to the subwoofer of your speaker systems there is a small object, not unlike a coin.

Only, it is like no coin that you've ever seen. On it's face is a moving image of a lush and green field. You hear faint flute-like music, and gruff but merry laughter. A small puff of a pleasant smelling smoke drifts up from the coin.

* To Pick up the coin and inspect it further - turn to page 2
* To leave the coin where it is, and then maybe tell the janitor about it, after you're done with checking your email - turn to page 256