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My Eagle Scout Project:
A Sidewalk: A List

Adam Peterson

bonus features:

Some of the things that Jo-Jo grunts (an incomplete glossary) by B. C. Edwards

1. My Eagle Scout project was a sidewalk.

2. My sidewalk runs along the backside of a building to a set of doors that were never previously connected to the main sidewalk artery.

3. My sidewalk is only 9 feet long.

4. As such, in order to make its construction take the required amount of man hours for Eagle Scout certification, my sidewalk is 7 feet wide.

5. 2 wheelchairs could roll by each other my sidewalk is so wide.

6. This has never happened because the doors at that particular entrance are not handicap accessible and because they are generally locked in order to keep out transients.

7. That particular entrance is, if you conducted a serious study, probably the 14th most likely way you would enter the building.

8. Even given its impressive width, my sidewalk still did not take enough time to satisfy the stringent Eagle Scout man hour requirements.

9. In order for my mom to get her MY SON IS AN EAGLE SCOUT bumper sticker, we had to count the time it took to install a plaque with my name on it commemorating my sidewalk.

10. And also the party celebrating the completion of my sidewalk where my plaque was unveiled while we drank lemonade and ate chocolate cupcakes.

11. On the rare occasions I have been back in my old town, I have visited my sidewalk and touched my plaque.

12. My sidewalk was mostly built by my friend’s dad who worked with concrete and knew how to smooth put those lines across it.

13. We were all really impressed at how precisely he shoveled out the dirt to the precise 9’ x 7’ dimensions. 

14. While he was doing that, I told the cement mixing truck where to stop backing up.

15. I didn’t do this very well and the truck ran over the curb.

16. Last time I visited my sidewalk, the curb was still broken right and I wanted to complain because it’s right in front of my plaque.

17. If I’m being completely honest, my sidewalk, even with its impressive width, probably did not use enough concrete to necessitate a truck.

18. Still, I think the truck looked really impressive to the unflappable Eagle Scout auditors who studied my receipts before authorizing my mom’s bumper sticker.

19. Ordering the truck took .5 hours on my timesheet and I counted it twice because my friend Ryan was in the room playing Sega.

20. Although now that I think about it, I think my friend’s dad probably ordered the truck because he worked with those guys.

21. My friend Ryan’s Eagle Scout project was a covered picnic area in a park.

22. Making this large, hollow cabin necessitated substantially more concrete than my sidewalk plus boards and things.

23. It’s worth noting that this hangar for obese families is not handicap accessible.

24. Someday, a braver scout is going to have to build a sidewalk all the way from the main park sidewalk to his picnic stadium.

25. I imagine in the future, once everything is sidewalked, most Eagle Scout projects are going to involve the construction of monuments to these heroes whose glory is too great for plaques.

Appendix 3B, "The Instructive Incident of the Lawn and its Necessary Lessons" by Steve Himmer

Alternate Ending to Shya Scanlon's "Portrait of the Oughtist" by Paula Bomer (with two collages by James J. Williams III)

Joan Enright's pie recipe (as featured in Eliza Tudor's "Person, Place, or Thing"

A Behind-theScenes essay for "Cold Travel" by Gabriel Urza

Camp Conversation: Lydia Conklin and Gabe Durham discuss summer camp

Hello Clone, I Will Say by Gabe Durham (featuring illustration by Lydia Conklin)

excerpt (chapter 1) from Steven Rinella's American Buffalo

Champaign-Urbana Gymnopédie by Scott Garson

Behind the Scenes of "The Fish" by Patrick Somerville

The Singing Fish: Revisited by Peter Markus

Three Different Apocalypses by Lucy Corin

My Eagle Scout Project: A Sidewalk: A List, an extra short by Adam Peterson

Deer Summer Sausage recipe (and illustration) by Mike Alber

The Lake Monster Is Curious: An Alternate Ending in the Monster’s Point of View, by Becky Hagenston