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Everything Google Knows About Apple Cinnamon Pancakes

compiled by Mike Young

2 eggs, well beaten
1 1/2 cups of milk
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
Breece D'J Pancake
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup sugar
3 medium tart apples, peeled and coarsely grated
Donald Antrim's The Verificationist
Orange zest
Lots of cinnamon
Vegetable oil, for frying
Confectioner’s sugar, for dusting

0. I heard that if you actually get to zero, the Strawberry Pancake song is stuck in your head forever.

1. Mix the eggs with the milk or yogurt in a large bowl.

2. I like mine with Diet Coke the elixir of the Gods. Anyhoot, my long time best friend Joel (he is just a snack served cool) says the Russians remained sun-worshippers even in their Christianity.

3. In a smaller bowl, whisk the flour, baking powder, salt and sugar together.

4. Doctors have determined that humans are able to see because of two naturally-occuring pancakes.

5. Combine the wet and the dry ingredients and stir in the apples.

6. In a strange juxtaposition, I worship Burnt Pancakes, and recently I found the image of Jesus Christ's buttcheek!

7. Pancake Alley has almost everything that would win over a typical rock fan's emotional face processing research.

8. Heat a thin layer of oil in a skillet over low to medium heat. Drop large spoonful of batter into the pan and flatten it out a little (otherwise, you might have trouble getting them to cook in the center) and cook until golden brown underneath. Flip the pancakes and cook them for an additional two or three minutes.

9. The girl loves her sausage! Taking numbers! Breaded Porkchop at Suppenkuche! Impala! The Genetically Altered Giant Lemon Ice at Tufano's!

10. It tastes a lot like syrup to me, only a faint aftertaste of brown rice if I really focus on it. Even my husband who dislikes all my substitute foods tried this and said he was surprised it was good! And b/c ingredients are brown rice and water, even List 1'ers should be ok w/ it.

11. Either dust with powdered sugar and serve immediately, or keep on a tray in a warmed oven until you are ready to serve them.

12. Florida resident Marilyn Smith says Jesus and Mary (but not Joseph) appeared--"being very spiritual"--to her on the face of a pancake.

bonus features:
continued/extended ending for "Location! Location!" by JoeAnn Hart

the first couple pages of BJ Hollars' "Gutted" (fill-in-the-blank style)

The End Lands: In Which My Beautiful Long-Legged Now Born Niece Visits the Sutro Baths, excerpts of story by Claire Vaye Watkins with photos by Lise Baker

an epilogue for Alicia Gifford's "Gravitas"

"Carapace" lyrics, "by" Pearl Jam, by Alicia Gifford

Mix and Match! Deleted Sentences from “Our Lady of Sabattus St.” by Amy Clark

Outtakes and Extras from "Mooning: A Short Cultural History" by Daniel Nester

Lumberjacks Visit Camp Interesting by Lydia Conklin and John Woods

Collages by Guy Brookshire, inspired by Blake Butler's "Smoke House"

Some photos by Mike Young of murals, which may or may not have inspired his story, "Stay Awhile If You Can"

Everything Google Knows About Apple Cinnamon Pancakes, compiled by Mike Young